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saudade

the love that stays after someone’s gone (view more)

Text 25 Aug

Anonymous said: WHY? WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THAT?! Oh my gosh I'm going to cry. SJDGALTHAERATAHKHGAP. I like to think that Kirk would just jump off with them, personally. "Welp. It was nice knowing you, friends. Ride together, die together." And then he takes both of their hands and jumps. Okay. this is how it happens. LAGHFJ;LKER Why.

is that really better

:3

Text 23 Aug 33 notes

Answering the prompt “If McCoy and Spock were both hanging from a ledge and he could only grab one, who would Kirk save?”

~*~

It all happens in one horrible moment.

The wind blows in from the south, sharp and salty from the choppy sea off the cliff before you. The brittle rock looks like it might shatter at any point and cause the whole sheer to drop off and fall into the water, but you don’t care about that.

You don’t care about anything but them.

You’d hold your breath but you don’t have time because they’re both slipping.

Their hands are wrapped weakly around metal bars against the cliff face, the tops of their heads and eyes just visible. And in this sick ritual, you have ten seconds.

Ten seconds to save just one.

Your eyes go from brown to hazel to brown again, but your choice has been made up long ago, even before this moment.

You lunge. Your fingers wrap tightly around his wrist, and he grips you back almost hard enough to crack bone.

The hazel eyes shut one last time. Then they’re gone.

~*~

The next few months are a blur.

You’re the worst captain. You drink. You fuck. You’re always in your room with some whore or three or six, or in the bar with drinks in your hands, double fisting them while the rest of your crew politely looks away and pretends like you aren’t a fat, alcoholic piece of shit that they haven’t lost their respect for.

You know better.

You barely visit the bridge. Spock covers for you always, patient and calm. M’Benga treats you in your quarters because you refuse to even enter the infirmary.

You’re a wreck and four months later, Starfleet can’t pretend they haven’t noticed the train wreck their most visible and promising captain has become. They relieve you.

You don’t give a fuck. You turn the ship over to Spock without another word and board the next shuttle for Earth.

You’re glad to strip the uniform off, honestly. It feels dirty to wear it now and pretend to be the hero you’re just not.

You lost your heart for it months ago.

~*~

Back in Iowa, almost no one knows you, and those who do learn to keep their damn mouths shut. You fight. You drink. You get a job at a small mechanic’s shop where you used to work as a teen, but you have no work ethic any more and they fire you a few months later. You’re on the streets begging for anything that’ll get some whisky back in your system so you don’t have to remember what an utter failure you are for a few hours. When that doesn’t work, you get into a fight with a cop.

At least you’ll be unconscious for a night.

~*~

It all happens in one horrible moment.

The wind blows in from the south, sharp and salty from the choppy sea off the cliff before you. The brittle rock looks like it might shatter at any point and cause the whole sheer to drop off and fall into the water, but you don’t care about that.

You don’t care about anything but them.

Your eyes go from brown to hazel to brown again, but your choice has been made up long ago, even before this moment.

Because Spock knows you better than you know yourself.

He knows you can’t live without Bones, but he also knows who you’re going to pick, whose eyes you landed on first, and Spock knows you can live without him. You’ll even be a better captain for it. You’ll be more careful on away missions, you’ll think harder before you act, you’ll pause one extra second to think about what Spock might have done if he were still at your side.

Spock knows Starfleet needs a good captain, and you’re a good captain. You’ll hurt, but you can live without Spock.

The brown eyes shut one last time. He lets go, and they’re gone.

You lunge. Your fingers wrap tightly around his wrist, and he grips you back and you drag Bones up to safety.

by Elijah of Enterprise RPG

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Jim was twenty three when he joined Starfleet, where most other cadets were eighteen and nineteen. He’d lived on his own, knew how to do his own laundry, cooked for himself, and held jobs. Even with his charisma, his age didn’t go unnoticed. He didn’t quite fit with his year-group for his age; he didn’t quite fit with his age-group for his year.

That was why he hit it off so well with Bones.

Jim had given Bones a nickname right off the bat, and that was when he decided they were going to be best friends kind of regardless of what Bones thought of the matter. They had the fortune or misfortune (depending on which person you were) of being paired up for many activities in the Starfleet preparatory program, and afterwards Jim may or may not have but definitely did slip one of the academic coordinators a few credits to swap rooms with someone so that they were rooming together (Bones would never have liked his other assigned roommate anyway, although he never told Bones he’d done this just in case).

Bones was the older brother who hadn’t bailed out on him.

Every week, Jim bought fresh liquor, kept his side of the room tidy(ish), and swindled Bones into going out on the town with him, and in return Bones insulted him. Their friendship became a unique one – Bones berated him and made Jim eat vegetables, and Jim helped him study and forced Bones to socialize. It was an odd friendship, but a successful one.

After his third and successful attempt at the Kobayashi Maru, Jim was ecstatic. He celebrated that night with a decidedly more reserved Bones, who didn’t have the heart to crush him when he’d been so crushed after his first and second failures, but the older man wasn’t surprised at the hearing. Jim’s face crumpled when he was called up before the board, and he couldn’t resist shooting a look at Bones, who was unmoved. What had Jim expected? His two years of demerits and generally being a pain in the ass finally caught up to him.

But Bones’s lack of sympathy broke there. Jim was hustled aboard the shuttle, so you can’t really blame him for what happened next.

And afterward, after Nero and after Vulcan, after he reviewed their losses, after he’d held a memorial service for his temporary crew, after he’d worked out temporary quarters for the Vulcan refugees, after he’d spoken with logistics and encouraged engineering, Jim went down to medical bay to wheedle Bones off of the shift he knew had ended seven hours before. Like he’d done a thousand times in the past, Jim ignored Bones’s protests that he had work to do. “You’ve got staff for it. The emergency’s over.” Jim coaxed his best friend into the CMO’s quarters, bullied him into eating something, made him lie down, ordered the lights off, and left.

If there was a better place to be than aboard the Enterprise, Jim couldn’t think of it.

by Elijah of Enterprise RPG

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